After a successful maiden voyage in May, Eleven’s Urban Exploration team set its sights on Downtown St. Louis for the month of June. On Thursday, June 16th, we hooked up with five of our favorite bars (plus a secret bar crawl pre-game at Flamingo Bowl) for a night we could hardly remember.

Speaking of secrets: We officially kicked the night off with one of our favorite underground (both literally and figuratively) spots in St. Louis: The Thaxton Speakeasy. Owner Peter wasn’t planning on coming in that night, but he was gracious enough to open his doors specially for the Eleven crew. The Thaxton is always verbally password protected (Thursday’s was an easy one: “pub crawl”), and is physically protected and enforced by one mean-ass looking bouncer waiting by the back door. No pat-downs, fortunately.

Immediately upon arrival, we had Peter serve up the Thaxton’s house special: Cherry Moonshine. No, seriously. Moonshine. The drink after which they coined the term “blind drunk,” after statesmen in the ’20s began to experience eyesight problems due to heavy use. The Thaxton brews that. And the fact that it’s cherry belies the true potency of the stuff—we, of course, told none of our guests that each cherry was actually loaded with 100-proof liquor until after they each bit in.

Above, Kyle, Tyler, and Krista mere moments before biting down.

And then, Kate and Jon mere moments after. Heck, even the camera’s vision started to get a little fuzzy.

After an hour of regaining focus and settling our nerves, we bid farewell and headed to our next watering hole: The Crack Fox.

Just off the beaten Wash Ave path, The Crack Fox on Olive is an Eleven downtown favorite for cheap drinks, live music, and a crowd that’s way less stuffy than some of the mainstream downtown joints. Official drink specials for the evening were a choice between the house’s Magic Shots, or the (half-shown above) Greaser’s Lunchbox combo of a shot of Amaretto/Jameson with a PBR. Eleven, however, tends to opt for the unofficial special of finding co-owner Carrie behind the bar and asking her to mix one of anything. The results are varied—one can never predict the liquor, flavor, or even color of the finished brews—and at the same time, consistent: they’re a sure bet to lead to happy faces.

With a wildly varied concoction of mixed drinks already stirring in our bellies, we make our way North to Washington Avenue’s biggest and baddest Irish pub, the Dubliner. Here, we add beer to our checklist of consumed alcohols. The Dubliner’s dollar deal on mini-pints was a total knockout for our crawl: Cheap to buy, fun to drink, and easy to buy again.

Nate (above, left) and Samantha enjoy their mini-Guinnesses (Mini-uinnesses?), and exhibit an ongoing, unwritten Eleven policy: throw up the Eleven rock horns while you’re being photographed, and you’re 111% more likely to get featured in the coverage. Word!

Kelly (above, left) goes on to be the winner of the night’s surprise bonus prize, a pair of door passes to the following week’s STL Loud Vol. 2 release party at the Firebird. She and friend Cassie (middle), seem pretty happy about the news. Kelly also won at bowling earlier at the Flamingo, but we’ll note here that beating Eleven executive staff members at competitive events is not often a path that leads to prizes.

Our next destination, a dive bar in the middle of Washington Avenue, is a bit of an anomaly. The Hair of the Dog (“Harry the Dog” colloquially—if not drunkenly—in our circle) is a spot frequented by us on our downtown nights for its lower tempo modest atmosphere. And, of course, for its shuffleboard table.

Already heavily buzzed and having difficulty keeping track of the time (we’re at least sure it’s between 10 and 11…roughly), “Harry the Dog” offers a challenge and a bargain to Eleven’s Urbex explorers: $6 buckets of PBR or Stag. Juan and Mario (above) are up to the task.

As the witching hour approaches, we land (some, above, more literally than others) at our final bar in the crawl: Lola. The band and DJ are already playing at respective stages inside Lola’s main area and Absinthe Bar as we arrive. The drink specials here are varied, with deals on the gamut of Lola’s unique Strippertinis and Burlesque beverages. It’s difficult to recall precisely who ordered which cocktail—all that rings true to memory were the dance-able beats which allowed the Eleven faithful an hour to shake and sweat off any inebriated jitters.

At long, long last, cabs were called and rides were arranged to go home. Some continued to press onward into the bevy of yet-unsampled downtown bars, while others turned back to revisit a favorite joint from earlier in the evening. Tonight, our mission is unquestionably accomplished.

A big thanks to our friends Matt, Peter & Kim, Carrie, Patrick & Eddie, Dom, and Chris at the respective Flamingo, Thaxton, Crack Fox, Dubliner, Hair of the Dog, and Lola, for helping to set everything up. We’ll be sure to see you guys again soon.

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On Saturday, 5/14, Eleven took its inaugural voyage into the world of pub crawls. Eager to share our local knowledge with Eleven’s eager readers, we selected a series of bars in Bevo: an area few have heard of, and fewer still have ever considered checking out. We knew this had to change—and figured a giant get-together with sublime drink specials would be a great way to start.

Batting leadoff was The Wicked Lady Pub. Famous for their Wicked Sauce (best on wings, burgers), we knew this would be a great first stop for people looking to get one last bite in before the 5+ hours of drinking ahead. It was great meeting up with all of our RSVP’s…but as folks began to arrive in rapid succession, we knew we’d need a quick run to Walgreens to pick up name tags to help everyone keep track.

After the first hour was up, we made our way across the street to the Luna Lounge as more people arrived. Who could predict we’d need an entire logistics strategy to ensure that the stragglers would keep up? On the bright side, after herding everyone in, the bar’s new seating arrangements forced urbex-ers to rearrange and sit with new people. It was great to see new connections made and new conversations strike.

Before long, it was time for our next leap down Gravois to the Cherry Lounge, as the pace of the crawl really started to pick up. I was thrilled to see Cherry’s intimate confines turn into a bustling hub as our hordes entered and proceeded to consume Cherry Bomb shots like they were going out of style. And the bar’s red glow certainly kept urbex-ers on their toes.

Our longest stretch between bars was up next: a seemingly monumental four-block walk to the Heavy Anchor. With our alcohol jackets now in tow, however, we found this was a breeze. And between shuffleboard, dollar beers, and vintage cinema-style seating, the Anchor was a huge hit. Best of all: leftover novelty mustaches and sombreros from Cinco de Mayo help the drinks to go down extra smooth. After being open for a little less than a month, we love what’s been done with the young venue, and know we’ll be back soon.

10pm already? We’ve gotta move. Our last stop is The Silver Ballroom, St. Louis’ first and only pinball bar. And anticipating our crew’s impending need for food, we set up a deal for the bar’s famous Australian Meat Pies. Savory, salty, and delicious, these just what the Doctor ordered.

As the night wore on, some urbex-ers stuck around the Ballroom to test their mettle at pinball, while others split off to revisit their favorite pubs from earlier in the evening. All in all, the event was a huge, roaring success—and we can’t wait for Round 2 next month. Check out our Facebook Page and our forthcoming print issue for a few more photos, and if you want to get in the loop and be the first to hear about and RSVP next time, be sure to get in touch by emailing urbex@elevenmusicmag.com .

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With spring in full swoon, and Tour de Grove on the Horizon, ELEVEN took a minute out to chat with the proprietor of one of St. Louis’ best homages to both biking and drinking: Tatyana Telnikova at the Grove’s up-and-coming eatery/drinkery/venue, The HandleBar.

What’s your favorite drink?

Currently it is 360 Peach vodka (all natural and made in MO) and orange juice. It just tastes so summery, refreshing and healthy to me! I love it.

Where did all these bikes come from? Is there a prize for bringing my own bike in?

Some of the featured bikes for sale are from LowandSlow – a local company. All the tall bikes are creations of Jake Wheeler, a local bike artist. Some others are my own, or from staff, and friends.

There is a surprise for riding in (you have to show a helmet). I won’t tell what it is, that would ruin it. But it always puts a smile on your face.

You mentioned another time I came in that you didn’t like St. Louis on your first impression. What made you change your mind?

When I was first brought to St. Louis, I lived in Creve Coeur. Coming from Moscow that was just a culture shock, seeing more geese out than people. Ever since I moved to the city about 6 years ago, and started commuting by bike as much as possible, St. Louis really grew on me. I love how green it is, how much it changes from block to block and how bike friendly it is. Also, definitely starting my own business here made a huge difference. I can’t think of another city where at my age and income I could have as many amazing opportunities. And not just opportunities to be successful, but also to actually make a difference in the city.

What’s the biggest challenge you’ve faced in owning a business here?

[The] biggest challenge of owning my own business has been the same as that of life—just keeping the balance. Between work and rest, income and spending, drinking and not (laughs)… In the Grove there are two main challenges: 1. Getting people out before 11pm, and 2. predicting busy / slow nights. It can be quite inconsistent and I’m still trying to figure that out.

Who came up with the name “The Handlebar?” Do you find a lot of people coming in expecting…well…something else?

Actually, Bob Kraiberg, the liquor commissioner came up with it. I think I was thinking something like Cycles or Pedals along those lines. He was like “it’s a bar with bicycles? Call it HandleBar!”
Sometimes people think we are a gay bar based on the name and the neighborhood. But we really don’t want to be either. We are an everyone bar; we really don’t care what or who you do in your spare time. If you like a good time, bikes and good beer, come on out!

Totally obligatory, and I’m naturally curious: Who’s playing on your iTunes currently? What’s the last show you went to?

I recently got a vinyl record player, and have been on a Billie Holiday, Nina Simone, Johnny Cash kick there. iTunes – Black Keys, and Manu Chao lately. I went to the Symphony last weekend and it was lovely, but the latest “show” I suppose was The Bad Plus at Jazz at the Bistro. I have gone to see them about 3 years in a row now.

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Snowpocalypse chilling you down? Warm up and look forward to brighter days with another take on the Future.

It’s safe to say I’m afraid of the future.

In a straight-shootin’ sense, I’m scared of new things. Most frequently, I’m afraid of weird new things. That’s the Midwestern in me—“meat & potatoes” upbringing. Innovations are relentlessly going to expand, every day being a testament to development in every sense you can imagine. IBM-ers make cool commercials, and I want to believe that all futuristic implements are as humble and progressive as they make it seem, but I’m just not sure how I’ll handle oncoming adjustments in such a dominant, robotics-enthused era. I don’t want to experience the Internet on eyeglasses. I don’t want to adapt to ESP-text. I’m not even remotely intrigued by the idea of accommodating public areas of sexual intercourse, but I’m dreading that these inventions and smoggy ideas (and even stranger ones yet) have to be on the horizon of the near future.

So, when it comes to futuristic music, I’m still mystified by the nuances differentiating “dub-step” from techno and drum & bass. I mean, I get genres are going to cross hairs and mutate from one another and so forth, but with perceptibly comparable sounds, why force the creation of a label? Music is like food—hard to judge until you try it, and everyone is entitled to his or her personal preference, by every mean whatsoever. I guess computers are building their elliptically cerebral empire in all of us, one modem at a time. Kanye has it right bringing home bread toward the movement; overindulgent capitalistic behavior isn’t anything less than expected in an age of beneficial extortion.

Maybe I ought to take a clue from Justin Vernon, relocate myself to a typewriter in a cabin from the-middle-of-nowhere Wisconsin, and just wait this shit out.

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“Why not?”

That’s the unofficial motto of part-lovable goofball, part-clinically insane, full-on artist and entrepreneur Chris Sabatino, owner of Art Monster on Cherokee Street. ELEVEN talked with Chris back in May to hear his thoughts on owning a business, working on Cherokee, and living the dream. Catch some interview highlights below, browse his website at artmonstershop.com, but for the real deal, head down and see him at 2617 Cherokee—he’ll invariably be in the midst of his latest project, and more than happy to share his thoughts on anything under the sun.

ELEVEN: What’s the life like on Cherokee?  What’s the day like?

Chris Sabatino:

Exciting…sometimes confusing.  The confusion is I guess kind of trying to realize what’s going to happen with this place. All these heads are coming together, and we’re slowly building a vision, and we’re all wondering what it’s going to be like, and we’re getting there, closer and closer every day.  I thnk the last six months on Cherokee have juts been insane, with all the new people, faces, businesses, everything.  Every day on Cherokee is different, too…every day there’s a surprise.

How’d you find yourself here on Cherokee?

CS:

Accidentally. I’ve been Downtown the past seven years doing artwork, been to three, four different spots downtown from Washington Ave to Olive…and everything seemed so temporary to me. I started looking for a spot that would be pretty dominant, pretty set for a while. I came down here two years ago, saw the place, and it was tough to see around everything. There was a lot of dingy buildings, dingy people, just not my type of place. Then I came back a few months after that, and noticed a change, just in the few months that I disappeared.  Came back and noticed a huge change.  Then, when I came down, I knew there was nowhere else in St Louis where I could envision myself, or the kind of art I do for clothing, for motorcycles. South St. Louis is really just filled with people who enjoy artwork, enjoy clothing, enjoy just cool stuff to look at, and that’s what I create every day so there’s just no better spot. And I felt there was a need for what I do down here. I’m always creating something new, people are walking in, getting involved every day.

So what’s your overall vision for the street? Boil it down.

CS:

One vision, reality, is the new lights that are coming [ed note: as of November, have arrived!] on the streets.  Lighting is key, in life. From lighting a piece of artwork, to eating dinner, lighting makes everything in how you see it.  And I think with the new lights here it’s going to change the face of Cherokee.

…What was the question?

What’s your vision?

CS:

Well I’m waiting for the light and then I’ll see it (laughs). Actually, I envision big signs, big glowing signs, just like you’d see at any strip, any cool strip, like Vegas, anywhere in New York, anywhere in Cali.  The strips are lit, and that’s what I envision. I mean, big, exciting lights, with movement, energy, good stuff. Just can’t wait to see it. Can’t wait to be part of it.

What kind of music do you like?

CS:

A lot of fast paced rock. Not so much metal…a bit of metal. I love electronic beats with acoustic guitar. Lots of keyboards. Bands like Sparta, Quicksand, Deftones. Then a lot of early 90s hip-hop. Whatever. Gang Starr’s the shit. I guess I bounce around a lot.

What would you do if you weren’t an artist?

CS:

I’d be hustling my ass off somewhere else, and probably not doing what I love. Probably not. I did tree service for a long time, I waited tables for a long time, man, all kinds of stuff. But I always got my hustle on. Always grinding. I’m lucky to do what I do, I know this.

What inspires you?

CS:

Life in general. My kids, definitely. I guess surprise, I love the element of surprise, and I think all my artwork shows that.

What’s your favorite restaurant, establishment, person, or thing on Cherokee.

CS:

My neighbor, I think my neighbor, he’s a big influence on the arts, on the music, on everything. You walk into Foam, it’s eclectic, it’s what I totally see on Cherokee popping off with microbrews and the good coffee. He’s in my top 3 for sure, [Foam Owner] Mike Glodeck. El Torito too, but yeah, there are good Mexican joints all over.  I don’t have one specific that I love the most.

What’s your next big project?

CS:

We actually got on Warped Tour, so we’ve got 4-5 dates across the Midwest.  I could do the whole thing, but I’m worried I’d end up missing out on the shop. I just want to hit it and do the thing.

What’s the craziest thing you’ve done lately?

CS:

Married a Russian.  No, I’m lying.

Anything else you’re dying to tell me?

CS:

Oh, man, you’re great.

(laughs)

CS:

Did you like that? It’s pretty good, it’s a little weird.

I’m absolutely flattered.

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Joe Edwards hardly needs any introduction.  If you haven’t yet heard of the local business magnate, or visited his flagship restaurant Blueberry Hill—a St. Louis staple by any stretch of the imagination—you may need your head examined.  ELEVEN quickly caught up with Joe to find out about his latest projects, and more importantly, learn how he likes his burger cooked.

We know in Blueberry Hill there’s hundreds of photos of you with celebrities you’ve met. Who’ve you enjoyed meeting the most?

Joe Edwards:

It’s hard to say one person; I’ve enjoyed meeting so many of them. The ones that surprised me that I’ve met…if you asked me years ago if I’d meet a President of the US  I’d have said “I Doubt it!” and now, I’ve met three of them—Bill Clinton,  Barack Obama, and Jimmy Carter—and even the chief justice of the US had dinner at Blueberry Hill one time…those are the unexpected ones.  Many, many movie stars have been wonderful to meet, from Clint Eastwood to Chuck Berry to Paul McCartney to Andre 3000.

Anyone you’re still hoping to meet someday?

Joe:

Oh, I’d love to meet a bunch of people, still.  Gwen Stefani and Lady Gaga would be two of them.

That’d be a lot of fun.  Tell us about the latest with the Trolley Project.

Joe:

I’m very excited about the Loop Trolley project. It’s going to be up and running in approximately two years, in the summer or fall of 2012.  The federal transit administration just awarded almost a 25M grant for the project, which is huge—over 60 cities were competing for the grant and only five of them got it, and I’m pretty thrilled that St. Louis is one of those five.  And it’ll mean so much to the St Louis community in general…not just the Loop.  It does [a few] main things: by having a fixed-track vintage trolley system in the area, there’s clean electric transit right away, it spurs economic development, it increases tourism, possibly tips a few more conventions our way, [and] in connecting the Loop to Forest Park attractions it improves neighborhood stability greatly. It’s a win-win project for St Louis and for the residents and merchants in the area.

So once that’s here in two years…you think anything’s still missing?

Joe:

Well, I’d love to see a really good grocery store with fresh produce, and home baked bread and everything in the Loop, and I think a lot of people would.  There aren’t many pieces to the puzzle missing.

Out of everything you’ve done, what’s been your favorite achievement thus far? Can you pick one?

Joe:

I think the overall revitalization of the Loop—to reclaim an urban street and see it thrive again with unique owner-operated business has been a thrill. It’s been exciting.  Having the Delmar Loop designated as one of the 10 greatest streets in America by the American planning association was a great honor.

What’s a new, non-Joe Edwards business or project that caught your eye recently?

Joe:

I think the fact that there are a couple of groups studying how to better join downtown with the archgrounds better, I’m really excited about that. I think that’s going to mean a lot for St. Louis.  I’m looking forward to seeing what plan is picked this fall, and see what the design is. That’s pretty exciting.  Or that interests me.  I probably used the word ‘exciting’ too much already. (laughs)

What’s been your favorite concert experience?

Joe:

Favorite concert experience I think [would be] the legendary concert series that Chuck Berry performs at Blueberry Hill once a month. I mean, people come from the Netherlands, and Japan, and the UK to see him. That’s wonderful. When Sharon Jones and the Dap Kings played in the Duck Room, that was one of the hottest, sweatiest, most exciting concerts in a decade, I mean, that was really, really fun.  The whole audience was exhausted afterwards; they really participated in that concert by being so free, and open, and dancing, and singing…

So Chuck Berry’s your favorite artist, too, or is there someone else that gets more playtime?

Joe:

Well, I love listening to Chuck Berry and I love watching him. He intuitively choreographed the first rock and roll stage shows by moving around the stage, by playing the guitar over his head, behind his back, by creating the Duck Walk, that musicians do on their own now. I love to watch him interact with a crowd, he really does a great job of sizing up a crowd.

How do you approach a new project? What’s your mindset?

Joe:

I try to go about things in a practical way as possible, and by observing and digesting information about the project, “would it work in this area? What area would it work in?” Just try to make few mistakes or no mistakes is the goal.  So far things have worked uot pretty well.

Maybe the most important question: How do you like your burger?

Joe:

I like my burger with soft-spread cheddar cheese on it, and tomato, served medium or medium well.

Is that a menu item at Blueberry Hill?

Joe:

It is! I’m a strong proponent of the three B diet: Breakfast, Burgers, and Bourbon.  That’s my daily routine.

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Saturday’s final consensus: I’d definitely gotten too much sleep. Seven hours is a lifetime at Lollapalooza—much less at any music festival. With heightened resolve, I tumble out of bed couch at 8:30am, a mere four hours after being let in from the hallway I had settled on calling a resting point for the evening. The ringing in my ears, bleariness in my eyes, and general emptiness in my head: everything felt just right for a successful final festival day.

My first stop in downtown Chicago is at the Hard Rock Hotel, to check in for an afterparty later that night. The receptionist knows me by name—impressive. I’m given a tour of the VIP press area, which starts with picking up a free Dos Equis, middles with a free selection of Garnier Fructus product (really: what the hell am I going to do with this bottle of stuff that’s, well, not supposed to color your hair, but be good for your hair when you’ve already colored it?), and ends with a Fuze salon sporting free massages, facials, and manicures. Hayden Panetierre is purportedly in the next room over, getting a tattoo.  I go for the executive treatment and get all three, while nursing a third beer.  The girl to my right at the manicure table suggests getting both pinkies painted black. James Murphy, I love you; this is happening.

I’ve arrived on festival grounds with far too much time to spare before any of the already-hyped, mainstream-level-hip bands are set to go on. Better spend the next three hours on tour of any of the remaining VIP areas of the festival I’d yet to enjoy. The Red Bull VIP section has its own wristband, and nobody at the entire festival seems to know where it’s located (turns out, right behind the Perry’s DJ stage).  The regular old VIP section has free make-your-own tacos—I sneak a plate over the barrier to a friend before fixing myself another beef+rice+can o’ beer platter. The VIPs have their own perch overlooking the Budweiser stage, where MGMT is playing. They finish “Time to Pretend,” now’s as good a time as any to take a nap.

I’m up in time for The National, but haven’t the mental fortitude to cross festival grounds to get there. 45 minutes under wasn’t nearly enough. A boxed water (what the hell is up with water packed in juice boxes?) and an energy drink later, and the Arcade Fire seems like a tolerable prospect.

Hard to believe the main fest is already over. Someone outside the gates has cartons of Apple Cider to share. We toast to our favorite city, and head out for a final hurrah of afterparties with Mumford & Sons, celebrities, and beautiful people.

Tomorrow morning’s victory lap? Homage to (and corned beef & pastrami from) the best-named diner in the known universe.  See you next year, Lolla.  Happy Lolladays.

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Festival pace picks up as Day 2 rolls in, and we’d already been rolling on grueling pace and meager rations.  I check in at the Hard Rock’s press area for a much-needed bite, and find myself to be just the right amount of exhausted to justify a $4, 3-minute cab ride from the hotel to the festival grounds.  The concierge and cab driver both look at me like I’m crazy—as if the growing rainbow of wristbands on my right arm (currently sitting at 7) wasn’t already a dead giveaway.

Oh, hey.  There’s Foxy Shazam in the hotel lobby as I’m walking out.  Awesome.

Arrival at the festival main gate provides another unexpected pleasure: A swarm of Christian advocates have camped out to protest, well…arguably, any number of the problems a traditional view of the Bible might find with Lollapalooza and its patrons. It’s a field day for many outspoken festival patrons (one heckler jeers “try butt sex!”); I have a go at convincing one sign-bearer that a fire in hell might actually make partying there more alluring before deciding to simply prove her wrong by heading into the belly of the beast in festival grounds.  Maybe someone at a church just read all of my Christmas citations in yesterday’s update.  One can hope.

On our way to the Grizzly Bear set, we cut through the Kidz stage—apparently, here, it’s always beer o’clock.  I guess it’s for all the parents who got suckered into paying $90 for the divine pleasure of babysitting their kids all day in the blistering sun while they’re surrounded by the masses of drunk and high 20- and 30-somethings.  What’s $6 per Hoegaarden on top of that?

As I navigate the maze of afternoon shows and different social groups (and really, fuck whoever managed to line up The XX, Dawes, Dan Black, Gogol Bordello, and Grizzly Bear right next to eachother), something dawns on me: Foursquare.  It’s a simple service that allows you to “check in” at different restaurants, venues, and establishments and essentially facilitates announcing to your friends and predators what your pinpoint location is at a given time.  While Foursquare is normally reserved for the hypercompetitive, hypersocial, or hyperpsychotic among us, wouldn’t it be insanely useful at a gigantic music festival to know where your friends are, down to the blade of grass, in real time?  Why the hell should I have to attend Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros and make small talk with strangers about how their lips are chapped and they should have thought to buy more concession-stand beer before heading over? Screw them. I’ve got enough beer in my system after a tour-de-VIP section to put out a fire in hell. Dear Lollapalooza, Bonnaroo, LouFest, SXSW, et al: Get on your game.  I’m trademarking FestSquare as soon as I get back to St. Louis on Monday.

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Lollapalooza weekend presents us Eleven staffers with a very special challenge: can one three-day span of music and parties be better than Christmas?  At either, one finds camaraderie, family, feasts, and a heightened thirst for life and joy.  It’s just that Lollapalooza’s serving on the order of a hundred thousand music zealots in one sitting.

Our day starts off at a crawl.  Festival grounds have expanded to include all of Columbus Drive, placing Eleven’s de-facto meeting point right in the heart of festival grounds.  While circling the festival gates to find an entrance point, I’m treated both to the opportunity to overhear Foxy Shazam’s 12:00 set and to a ton of eighth-sheet flyers featuring…Billy Mays?  Who knows.

Once inside festival grounds, one new feature of this year’s festival becomes painfully clear: Everything is really, really wet.  The grounds waver between areas of sloshey marshes and pools of mud.  You want me standing the entire day? Forget that. Not after we were up until 3:30 last night at the Perez Hilton party.  I hit the sound stage at set of The Walkmen and set up camp on the barricade, shooting filthy glances at any volunteers who consider asking me to step down.

After the Walkmen I make a quick run to the Playstation HQ tent.  No surprises here: 3D gaming is as retarded as it sounds.

From there, the afternoon begins to steamroll by.  I chuckle as the Hot Chip bump in the official festival guide looks awfully familiar. We catch lunch at the Hard Rock Hotel, DEVO, The Dirty Projectors, Hot Chip, Chromeo and have to decide on a headliner.  If there was any remaining doubt, it was extinguished after a quick brush with Lady Gaga driving a golf cart full of little monsters between Devo and Dirty Projectors sets.  The Strokes will still be around in another ten years, I figure.

Lady Gaga’s show, and supporting cast of followers, was nothing short of a spectacle.  The set and theatrics really felt better suited for something on Broadway than in Grant Park, but neither she nor the crowd really seemed to mind.  And besides, I imagine it’d be harder for Gaga to get away with lines like “Hey Lollapalooza, I don’t know if you’ve heard, but I’ve got a pretty tremendous DICKKK” up on stage in front of the social elite.  Gaga covers herself in the red blood of the fame monster; and I the answer to our prevailing question becomes clear: If Lollapalooza is but a souped-up Christmas, then this year Lady Gaga is its gift-bearing and cheer-spreading icon.

My final Christmas gift for the night: someone gave me a burrito at the Hard Rock Hotel afterparty.  Happy Lolladays.

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“In ballad and verse, Kali tunes in a delightful, whimsical world of fantasy and slips into the transparent land of wide-eyed forest children, including: Leprechauns, dwarfs, witches, warlocks, gremlins, gnomes and trolls.”

Fritz: It’s waayy to early in the morning to be listening to this.  It sounds like someone in an opium den in India in the 1960s was trying to write a children’s book.

Sarah: So “Kali Bahlu takes the forest children on a journey of Cosmic Remembrance.”  Sounds to me more like something I’d punish my children with.

Josh: But it’s almost…funny.  Like, I want to see how long I can listen to this before cracking up or hurling the record across the room.  This woman’s totally nuts.

Annie: I tuned out after “Jesus’ sign is the skull and crossbones.”

Sarah: So if that’s his sign, does that mean she hates Jesus?

Josh: Could just mean she wishes Jesus was a pirate.  I wonder why “Moses’ color is carrot orange” and “Confuscious’ color is sky light blue.”

Sarah: It’s curious that, for an Indian, spiritual-themed album, Kali uses a lot of American-sounding diction.  I can’t imagine Leprechauns in India.

Fritz: Or giant robots – that sounds more Japanese.  On another note, I do like the sitars and tambourines though. They strangely accent Kali’s excited, storytelling/singing tone, and really make this trippy.

Josh:  Yeah, I think this will be a good record for our collection.  Diversity’s a good thing.  Even if it’s only to scare away people who are thinking about working for us.

The Eleven Record Club is sponsored in part by your local St. Louis record stores, Vintage Vinyl, Euclid Records, APOP Records, and Phono Mode.

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